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Ain’t Life Grand

A strong bond between children and their grandparents has a host of benefits for both young and old.

As we grow older we can look to exercise, diet and brain teasers to help keep us young, but one of the most beneficial things seniors can do as they age is simply to hang out with their grandkids. And it’s a huge boost for the kids as well.

Last year, a study from researchers in Australia and Europe – published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour – found that over half the grandparents who actively cared for their grandchildren lived five years longer than those who didn’t.

Earlier this year, a study published in the journal Child Development found that the benefits for kids of strong intergenerational bonds are that they are less likely to be “ageist”, holding negative views of the elderly.

So it’s official! You’re not “babysitting” when you look after the grandkids; you’re staying healthy and making them into better people.

For many children who have busy working parents, their grandparents are the first and most prolonged contact with older adults, and this formative time can help forge a lifelong bond.

Oliver Drummond, 18, says his grandmother Trish Rogers – a member of Middle Harbour Probus – was very involved in his life right from the outset, and it’s a relationship he cherishes.

“I have this very fond memory,” Oliver tells me from his grandmother’s home in the NSW suburb of Mosman. “The first time my parents left me [and sister Alexandra, now 22], I remember my grandmother coming over, and I was absolutely hysterical because I had never been away from my parents before. Nanna just sat me down and I remember so vividly my parents walking out the door and me just being so shaken and her just cradling me, and that was the first experience I had of a really strong bond with her.”

Now, as adults, Trish continues to play an active role in their lives, organising formal dresses for her granddaughter and cooking panfortes for the grandchildren’s birthdays.

Trish also had a strong bond with her grandmother. “I lived with my grandmother during the war,” she says. “In Adelaide, my mother and brothers and I lived with her while my father was in the army.

She had nine children, and I can still remember her in the kitchen cooking for us. She would gather all the cousins around on Sunday for an afternoon tea, and she taught us all manners.”

Trish says she has passed these lessons on, and she regularly gets comments from people in shops about how lovely her grandchildren’s manners are. But one thing Oliver enjoys is that, now that he’s older, the learning goes both ways.

“Over the years, I’ve been teaching Nanna to use her iPad, and she recently got an iPhone. It’s pretty interesting, having been taught by her for so many years, to be in the driver’s seat and having the upper hand in a learning situation,” Oliver laughs. “She’s really interested and I think it’s great that each generation can share different experiences.”

Time is on their side

Child psychologist Dr. Kimberley O’Brien from The Quirky Kid Clinic (childpsychologist.com.au) says one of the most precious things a grandparent can offer a child is time.

“If parents are both working, then grandparents can have more time, and sometimes grandparents work at a similar pace to children,” O’Brien says. “They have more time to work out how things go together for a project, like fixing a bike.

I think patience is one thing grandparents and grandchildren often have in common.”

O’Brien also agrees with the study that says kids who have positive elderly role models are more likely to be more positive towards older people. “Being in contact with people of all ages and people of different cultures is always a good thing,” she says. “And when a young person gets to know someone in their 60s or 70s, they might just be learning about different things, like pension cards, or something they just don’t get with their parents – things like going to RSL clubs for cheap meals.

“It just means the young person gets to experience something older people enjoy, whether it’s something like lawn bowls or just sitting down and having the time to have longer, more detailed conversations.”

A 2016 study by The Women’s Healthy Ageing Project in Australia observed nearly 200 grandmothers who had close contact with their grandkids, and it found that those grandmas who spent one day a week looking after their grandkids had a lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s.

O’Brien says she believes that to be true, and says that spending time with the younger generation can stimulate older people. “Elderly people might be doing crosswords, but nothing is better than social contact,” she adds.

Another benefit for kids spending time with their grandparents is the opportunity to learn the stories that have shaped their families. Too often we take our family stories for granted, so it’s great to sit down with older relatives and find out how it is that our families have come to be.

“It’s good for identity formation,” O’Brien says. “Using tools like the website Ancestry.com or using photos can make it more interesting. An old box of interesting bits and bobs as visual aids can also help kids, so it’s not just presented as an old story.”

A helping hand

President of Gledswood Hills Probus Club (NSW), Michael Whittaker, has been a very active presence in the lives of his grandkids for the past seven years. For Michael, it wasn’t only the opportunity to spend some quality time with his grandchildren that motivated him, but also the chance to give his daughter Michelle, and her husband Matt, a leg up on the property ladder.

Michael looked after his two grandsons, Nathan, 7, and Lachlan, 3, so that his daughter didn’t have to pay for childcare. He also has a son, Daniel, who has a young daughter, Alexis, but he describes his role there as more “part-time assistance.”

“Grandparents tend to be a bit calmer as they have more patience, more time and more experience looking after kids,” he says. “We can be a bit more compassionate than the parents. Parents have so much limited time during the day, they often want to get the kids to sleep so they can have time to do something for themselves.”

And that’s where grandparents come in. Carer, helper, cook, tailor, financial support and keeper of the family’s stories; there are many good reasons why a good relationship between grandparent and grandchild is a huge positive in everyone’s lives. l

Things to do with the grandkids

What are some  good activities to help strengthen the bond between grandparent and grandchild?

Take a holiday

“On Lord Howe Island for my 70th birthday, Alexandra ran up Ned’s Beach calling, ‘Nanna, Nanna, thank you so much for bringing us here.  I will remember this for my whole life!’” – Trish Rogers, Middle Harbour Probus

Train trips

Child psychologist Kimberley O’Brien says these are great for old and young because the kids are still contained and aren’t “running around Luna Park and getting lost; there are some rules to keep the kids settled.”

Cooking

This is something parents often don’t have time for. Teach the kids a family

biscuit recipe and they can set up a stand and make some pocket money.

Go to the library

Teach the digital generation a love of books. Even the most hardened screen jockey will find something they want to read in a library.

Play video games

Find out what all the fuss is about and let your grandchildren teach you a thing or two.

Gardening

Another activity often overlooked by parents, heading into the garden can help teach kids a thing or two about the natural world.