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                                                                                 Reg No - A101973OZ              



        Old age has come at a bad time, just as I was beginning to know                            everything, I'm now forgetting everything I knew.


A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a local politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question. 

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' he asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' the man asked. 

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'' 

The politician thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.' 


The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.   "I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said.

The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.   



A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.  The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!  Men will get it the first time. 


As Sayings Go

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London, which used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course!) to be hanged. The horse-drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''one last drink.''  If he said yes, it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD. If he declined, that Prisoner was ON THE WAGON. If sentenced to the gallows you were given a MONTH OF SUNDAYS to get your affairs in order and make peace with the lord. Executions were  carried out on Monday mornings.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "piss poor." But worse than that were the really poor folk, who couldn't even afford to buy a pot; they "Didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June!! However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and  finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.! Hence the saying,  "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."   

The floor in most houses was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet  so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on  they added more thresh until, when you opened the door,  it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance. Hence: a thresh hold. (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could,"Bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''chew the fat."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, The family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ''The Upper Crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They  were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''Holding a Wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave!

And that's  the truth.!!